I always think that I will start this Blog at the beginning of the year, and I write one or two posts and then I quit writing. But, I've challenged myself to do something for thirty days and the first thing is to write in this blog for thirty days in a row. It can't be that hard can it?

The new year is always challenging in itself. You want to make changes, be a new you, but it's hard to shake the old you. I have gained a tremendous amount of weight this year. I mean tremendous. I'm at 147. That's the heaviest I've been in over 20 years. I will be honest, it's because I eat entirely too much food and don't get enough exercise to counteract the calories. I'll be honest again, I'm mildly depressed. I'm unhappy about my life and job and marriage. All these things are because I am unhappy with myself.

So I'm going to change and challenge myself to do something different every thirty days. I've got two things going right now. 1. Write in this blog everyday. 2. Work on learning a foreign language. I can do that.

Remember, deep down, I am a Welton.

It's Never Easy, Is It?

 It's been almost a year since I wrote that last blog entry, and what am I trying to do again?  Lose weight.  This time is particularly frustrating.  I think I need to describe my day and see if I can figure out why I'm eating so much.  I can see a pattern and it's so disgusting, that I can't get a handle on my eating and drinking.  

I start out every day with the best of intentions, and then by mid afternoon, I just want to eat.  And eat, and eat.  i keep making excuses about how hard it is, when really, I just don't want to change.  I want to be able to eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and that is totally unrealistic. 

It's like this, yesterday, I didn't plan out my meals, so I went and got McDonald's for breakfast.  How stupid is that?  And then I don't get just one sausage mcmuffin, I get two and two hashbrowns.  How ridiculous, and then when I put them in to weight watchers and they use up everypoint I have for the day I say, ok, that's it until dinner.  But what do I do at lunch time, I go get a small bag of chips and peanut butter m and m's.  And then I get the idea that I want a chicken quesadilla from the taco truck and I can't get the idea out of my head, and I know that I am going to drive my car on the way home, pass the turn to my house and go to the taco truck to get that damn quesadilla, and then I get home and I eat every bite of it.  And I tell myself that I needed it.  Can you believe that?  I needed it.  Insert a lot of dripping sarcasm here.  

So what is really going on in my brain that makes me think that I need to eat that way?  Am I trying to force my husband to get rid of me because I don't feel like I'm good enough?  What the hell is my problem?  I'm slowly getting the money thing squared away, I've started to organize things again, which means I'm coming out of the blue funk that I've been in.  

I want one day where I don't cheat.  Where I measure what I'm suposed to eat and then eat just that .  I don't want those shitty looks from my husband because he doesn't find me attractive because I'm "

a little broad in the beam" .  

I just want to be thin, and do my thing and be happy.  And I'm not.  So, I'm going to try again, and again and again.  I'm not going to fall for the excuses thing.  I'm just going to do it.  

So today, I had 6 ounces of Ocarlans, and 3/4 of a 1/2 of a bagel and 2 ounces of smoked salmon and 1 tbs of capers and 1 tbs of cream cheese and 3 slices of tomato.    Fish and veggies for dinner tonight, stop eating so many carbs, and make a new me.  I'll weigh myself tomorrow at the gym, take a picture of it, and keep doing that every day.  I'll look at my fat photos when I want to eat something that makes me fat.  I can't keep doing this.  I can't.  I am a Welton, and we can overcome any adversity.  I just have to keep reminding myself of that.  

Back from Skiing

Rob and I went skiing this weekend. It's great exercise and I had a great time. I think I did a good job with not over eating while we were gone. It's hard when you are on vacation to not overeat, but I had a cup of blueberries and a 1/2 piece of multi-grain bread I make myself for breakfast on Saturday. It's a really hearty, dense bread. For lunch, Rob and I shared a bowl of vegetarian chili and I had maybe 1/8 of a bread stick. Later I shared a beer with him, and had our version of trail mix which is cranberries, sunflower seeds, almonds, and dried fruit. I had maybe a 1/3 of a cup. We left skiing, which I found to be the most awesome ski day I have had in years, and went to this little tapas bar that we both like called Fuego. We each had a glass of wine and some flat bread that had been tossed in olive oil and served with a chipotle pepper aioli. For dinner we shared a harvest salad at the Great Basin Brewing Company along with an India Pale Ale. Sunday was a little tougher. We went to Peg's Glorified Ham and Eggs. I love Peg's. I had the Sierra Omelet, which is chicken breast stewed with peppers, onions, and stuffed inside a three egg omelet, beans, pico de gallo, cabbage slaw and hashbrowns. It's a big plate and I ate about 1/3 of it. It was great. For lunch we had In 'n Out Burger. Hamburger with grilled onions, and a few french fries also had a coke. That's a rare treat for me. Dinner turned out to be snacks. Pistachios, salami, bread, brie, with a glass of wine. I can't make the scale move though. It's driving me crazy. So, I started week two of fasting. Today I had 1/2 c. of yogurt, 1 c. strawberries, 1/2 grapefruit. For dinner it will be a 3.5 ounce chicken breast marinated in Mexican spices and a bulgur wheat salad, 1/2 an apple and 1 cup of strawberries. A total of 499 calories. I'm hungry today, and tea isn't cutting it. Not sitting at my desk will help. So... I'm off to home to walk the dog during lunch. That will keep me occupied.

Day Two

It's crazy to think that a person can get by on just 500 calories a day. Probably not every day, but I did it yesterday with one small cheat. I had 100 grams of turkey around 3 pm. I needed the protein pick me up. I went to the gym and ran and walked at level 8 and 9 for 60 minutes and burned 447 calories. Today, I had two rolls and some butter for breakfast. I've got berries and almonds for a snack later in the day and we'll look at the menu for lunch today and have a good lunch. I feel really good about this and am going to do my best to keep on track. I shouldn't have had the little rolls and butter, but I won't supplement them with anything else until lunch.

This Week's Menu

So here's the menu for the rest of the week. If I put it here, I'm more likely to stick with it. Tuesday: Normal Day: 200 grams of yogurt, 100 grams of berries, 2 tsp. of flax seed; chicken Caesar salad with 1 tbs. of dressing; Tofu and Asian veggies with soy, garlic and ginger. Wednesday: Normal Day: 200 grams of quinoa porridge, 100 grams of berries, 2 tsps of sliced almonds; Lentil soup, 1 piece of whole grain bread, 1 apple; Greek Salad with grilled chicken. Thursday: Fast Day: Two egg omelet with 200 grams wilted spinach; grilled zucchini with feta cheese, mint leaves and lentils. Friday: Normal Day: 200 grams of yogurt, 1 cup berries, 2 tbs. of sliced almonds; turkey and artichoke sandwich; baby carrots, 1 cup grapes; Machi's salad or pasta, the olive oil pasta, or Caesar with chicken. Saturday: Normal Day: 2 egg omelet with 3 oz of feta cheese; parsley; Tagliatelle with tomato, olive and pine nuts, salad. 6 ounce fillet steak with potato dauphinoise and French beans Sunday: Normal Day: 2 small pancakes with turkey bacon; fish pie with potato topping and green salad, Chicken and vegetable soup.

Start of a New Life and a New Me

OK. Today I have started the 5:2 diet. Rob and I and some friends are going to Spain this summer and I want to look great in a bikini. This seems to me to be a really doable diet plan. I don't find fasting too hard, and if I get 500 calories on a fast day, divided between two meals. That's worth it. I weighed 134.00 today. I am 63.5 inches tall. My BMI is 23.7 which is normal, but I have this roll of fat around my middle, and my butt and my thighs, that I just don't like. It makes me depressed. So, I am going to work out daily and do the 5:2, eating sensibly on my eating days. I had blood work done today and I'll probably have the results tomorrow. Will add them then. Today for my first fasting meal (what a strange thing to say) I had 1/2 a whole wheat bagel and 2 tbs. of whipped cream cheese for a total calorie count of 185 calories. I'll have dinner tonight: cod marinated in soy and mirin with broccolini and an apple. For a total calorie count of 282 calories. I am off to the gym during lunch today. That way I can keep from eating with Dave and Lisa. It's hard to be good when they bring lunch, so I'll have to fill them in and eat more healthy options. I know I can do this. I have to try. It's too frustrating being overweight and not looking good in any of my clothes. I need to be a size 4, not a size 8. Here goes!!!!!!!!